Abstract: This thesis discusses the findings of a research study, informed by the work of van Manen (1997b), which explored the lived experiences of five mental health nurses who have had a patient die through suicide. Narrative was used as a method in interviews to uncover the essence of their lived experiences. Five interwoven themes uncovered in each of the interviews were: impact, support, feelings, closure and paradox. All of the nurses interviewed experienced a wide range of feelings about their patient's suicides, ranging from shock to guilt, to anger and sadness, and described their patient's suicide as having a significant impact on them. Support received by the nurses following their patient's suicide was variable, and they were often in the difficult position of trying to offer support to the patient's family. Common to all of the nurses was the lack of closure following the suicide. Paradox was found to be the overall essence of the experience of the mental health nurses interviewed. Three main paradoxical themes or statements were identified that are in many respects a summary of all of the themes that emerged. These were: unavoidable – responsible; inevitable – unprepared; duty of care – respect for patient's decision to end their life. The author suggests that the ability of the nurses interviewed to accept and reconcile the paradoxical issues that arise in relation to patient suicide, and accept the lack of closure they experience, is a fundamental element in their ability to continue to work in the mental health setting, despite the significant impact their patient's suicide has had on them. Four recommendations are made based on the insights gained from this research. These are: that every mental health service should have a suicide response policy; that undergraduate nursing education includes the impact of patient suicide; the development of policies which promote dialogue about suicide within the community; and the need for further research in this topic.
