Abstract: The author contends that health care and education have been colonised by 'The Audit Society' and managerialism. It is argued that under the benign guise of 'improving quality' and 'ensuring value for money' a more Orwellian purpose operates. Academics had to be transformed into a workforce of 'docile bodies', willing to scrutinise and survey themselves and their 'performance' as outcome deliverers and disciples of the new 'Qualispeak'. This paper critiques the current obsession with audit and performativity, and the constant and often pointless 'change' that is held to be so self-evidently 'a good thing' and identifies policy discussion as a linguistic wasteland.